Finding My Rhythm: The Real Talk About Balancing Work and Studies as an International Student

The terraced hills of my village in Nepal - where the journey began and where my father taught me the true meaning of survival.

I was 18 in my village in Nepal. I thought I knew everything. I thought good grades would carry me anywhere. I thought hard work always wins. I thought life would follow a straight line.

I was wrong about almost everything.

At 18, I had never seen a smartphone. I had never been on an airplane. I had never lived outside my village. I had no idea what loneliness felt like in a foreign country. I had no idea that my parents would grow old while I was far away. I had no idea that the life skills school doesn't teach would be the ones that saved me.

If I could sit down with that 18-year-old boy today, I would not give him a lecture. I would just tell him the truth. The real truth. The kind you only learn by living.

This is what I wish I knew at 18.

Part 1: The Illusion of Early Life

At 18, I believed that good grades would lead to a good life. I believed that hard work always gets rewarded. I believed that life would follow a straight path.

None of that is completely false. But it is incomplete. 

In the village, my father never talked about grades. He talked about work. He talked about survival. He talked about patience. He never said "study hard and everything will be fine." He said "do your best, and then do more."

When I left for Singapore, I realized that the world does not follow rules like school does. There is no syllabus. No answer key. No teacher who tells you exactly what to study for the exam. You have to figure it out yourself. These are the life lessons for students that no exam measures.

I remember sitting alone in my rented room in Singapore, my first week there. I had no furniture. Just a mattress on the floor. I called my father, but the connection was bad. He could not hear me. I sat in the dark and cried. I was 18. I was supposed to be brave. But I was just scared. That night, I realized: no grade, no exam, no teacher could prepare me for this loneliness. This was life's real test. And I was failing.

Stepping onto an airplane for the first time, watching my familiar world disappear beneath the clouds.

At 18, I thought life was a ladder. You climb step by step. School. College. Job. Success.

Life is not a ladder. It is a jungle. You get lost. You find paths that lead nowhere. You backtrack. You make your own trail.

Lesson 1: The Skill of Direction, Not Just Hard Work

At 18, I believed that working hard was enough. I worked hard in school. I stayed up late. I memorized everything. I thought effort alone would carry me.

Then I moved to London. I worked hard in an office. But I was not growing. I was just tired.

Hard work without direction leads to exhaustion. You can run very fast in the wrong direction and end up further from where you want to be.

I learned this in Portugal. I worked hard in a restaurant kitchen. Twelve-hour days. Exhaustion. But I had no direction. I was surviving, not building.

Small focused effort beats scattered effort. One hour of clear, intentional work is worth five hours of busy, distracted work.

If I could tell my 18-year-old self one thing, it would be: work hard, yes. But first, know where you are going.

If you want to know how to turn that direction into real momentum - without chasing the illusions of overnight success - you can read my honest thoughts here: Success Isn't a Secret—It's Just Really Hard Work.

Lesson 2: The Skill of Emotional Strength in Failure

At 18, I had never really failed. I had bad grades sometimes. But not real failure.

Real failure came later. Job rejections in London. Visa problems in Denmark. Language struggles in Belgium. Feeling invisible in Portugal.

The first time I faced real rejection, I felt like I had been punched in the chest. I thought something was wrong with me. I thought I was not good enough.

It took me years to understand: failure is normal. It is not personal. It is just information.

Every successful person has failed more times than most people have tried. The difference is not that they never fail. The difference is that they do not stop.

If I could tell my 18-year-old self: you will fail. It will hurt. But you will survive. And you will be stronger.

Lesson 3: The Skill of Financial Awareness Early On

At 18, I had no money. But I also had no understanding of money. I thought money was something you earn and spend. I had no concept of saving. No concept of investing. No concept of the slow power of small habits.

My father never had a bank account. He never saved money in a formal way. He saved in the village way: animals, land, gold. He never taught me about budgeting because he never needed to. His life was different.

When I moved to Singapore, I spent money without thinking. A meal here. A taxi there. A new shirt. At the end of the month, I had nothing left. I was shocked.

Learning the raw value of money. When you start with nothing in a foreign land, every single coin counts.

Small financial habits shape freedom. Saving a little every month, even when it hurts, creates options. Options mean you can say no to work you hate. Options mean you can wait for the right opportunity.

If I could tell my 18-year-old self: start small. Save whatever you can. Your future self will thank you.

Lesson 4: The Skill of Choosing People Wisely

At 18, I thought friends were just people you laugh with. I did not understand that the people around you shape your future.

In the village, I had no choice. My friends were the other children in the village. We played together. We grew up together. There was no selection.

When I moved to cities, I had to choose. Some people pulled me up. Some people pulled me down. Some people were just there, neither helping nor hurting.

I learned that your environment shapes your direction. If you surround yourself with people who complain, you will complain. If you surround yourself with people who work hard, you will work harder. If you surround yourself with people who dream big, you will dream bigger.

If I could tell my 18-year-old self: choose your people carefully. They are not just company. They are your future.

Lesson 5: The Skill of Discipline Without Motivation

At 18, I thought you needed to feel motivated to work. I waited for inspiration. I waited for the right mood.

Motivation is a liar. It comes and goes. It is unreliable.

Real life requires consistency. You have to show up even when you do not feel like it. You have to study when you are tired. You have to work when you are sad. You have to keep going when you want to quit.

I learned this in Belgium. Learning Dutch was boring some days. I did not feel motivated. But I opened the book anyway. I did the exercises anyway. Because discipline matters more than motivation.

Discipline builds freedom. When you do the work, even when you do not want to, you earn the right to choose your life.

If I could tell my 18-year-old self: stop waiting to feel ready. Just start.

Lesson 6: The Skill of Learning From Time, Not Speed

At 18, I wanted everything fast. Fast success. Fast money. Fast recognition.

I compared myself to others. Someone my age was already famous. Someone my age had already bought a house. Someone my age had already traveled the world. I felt behind.

Real growth takes time. You cannot rush a tree to grow. You cannot rush a language to fluency. You cannot rush trust in a relationship.

Time compounds everything. Small actions, repeated consistently, lead to big results. But you have to wait.

If I could tell my 18-year-old self: stop comparing your behind-the-scenes to everyone else's highlight reel. Your path is your own. Trust the process.

Lesson 7: The Skill of Asking, Learning, and Adapting

At 18, I thought not knowing was shameful. I thought asking for help meant I was weak.

In the village, you learned by watching. You did not ask. You observed. Asking was sometimes seen as disrespectful to elders.

When I moved to cities, I had to unlearn this. Asking questions is how you learn faster. Asking for help is how you avoid mistakes. Adapting to new information is how you grow.

I was struggling with a Dutch grammar rule for weeks. I did not ask for help. I felt embarrassed. Finally, I asked my teacher. She explained it in two minutes. I had wasted weeks of frustration.

Flexibility beats perfection. The people who succeed are not the ones who never change their mind. They are the ones who learn and adapt.

If I could tell my 18-year-old self: ask the question. It is not weakness. It is wisdom.

Part 8: The Truth About Work

At 18, I thought work would be about passion. I thought I would find something I loved and do it forever.

Work is not just passion. It is responsibility. You work to eat. You work to provide. You work to build a life.

There is a survival phase and a growth phase. First, you survive. Then, you grow. Do not skip survival. Do not feel ashamed of taking work that is not your dream. It is a step. Not the destination.

The survival phase. Moving between countries on cheap buses, taking any honest work to build a foundation.

Most careers are not linear. I worked in offices, kitchens, restaurants, cleaning jobs. Each job taught me something. Each job moved me forward.

If I could tell my 18-year-old self: do not wait for the perfect job. Take the next step. Then the next.

Part 9: The Truth About Growth

Growth is invisible before it becomes visible.

You do not notice yourself getting stronger day by day. You only notice when you look back and realize how much you have changed.

Pain is part of progress. Every difficult moment, every rejection, every failure—they are not punishments. They are teachers.

Most people quit too early. They stop just before the breakthrough. They stop because they cannot see the growth yet.

If I could tell my 18-year-old self: keep going. Even when you cannot see the result. Especially then.

Comparing Two Generations

My father never had the choices I have. He never left the village. He never learned another language. He never held a smartphone. His world was small, but his values were strong.

Our generation has everything. But we also have confusion. Too many options. Too much noise. Too many people telling us what we should be.

My parents gave me time. I am trying to give my children presence. It is harder now. The phone buzzes. The notifications pull. The world is louder.

But the basics have not changed. Love. Responsibility. Patience. Kindness. These are still the only things that matter.

If I could tell my 18-year-old self: do not forget where you came from. Your parents gave you everything they had. Honor that by becoming someone they are proud of.

Looking back at the boy who started it all, full of hope, fear, and a future he couldn't yet see.

Conclusion: What I Would Tell My 18-Year-Old Self

You are not behind.

You are not confused. You are learning.

Life is not a race. It is a process.

The people who succeed are not the ones who never fail. They are the ones who never stop.

The life skills school doesn't teach are the ones that will carry you through the hardest days. Patience. Kindness. Discipline. Humility. Courage.

Do not rush. Do not compare. Do not give up.

Your story is still being written. Every day is a new page.

Be patient with yourself. Be kind to yourself. You are doing the best you can with what you have.

That is enough.

And one more thing: the loneliness you feel right now? The confusion? The fear that you are making all the wrong choices? That is not a sign that you are failing. That is a sign that you are growing. I felt it too. I still feel it sometimes. But I am still here. And so are you.

These are the life lessons for students that no professor will ever put on a syllabus. Learn them well. They will outlast every textbook.

A Request for You

What I wish I knew at 18 might be different from what you wish you knew. So I want to hear your story.

What do you wish you knew at 18? Or if you are 18 now, what do you wish someone would tell you?

Share in the comments below. Your words might help someone who feels lost right now.

Because the truth is, we are all still learning. None of us have it figured out. And that is okay

Closing with Love

Tonight, as the night gets deep, I will stand by the window looking out at the quiet streets of Brugge. The world outside will be perfectly still, a rare break from the constant notifications and digital noise that chase us all day. 

If you are also fighting to protect your own mind from that modern chaos, you might find value in my honest reflection: Is Your Smartphone Affecting Your Focus? A Personal Wake-Up Call in a Distracted World.

​Looking out into the dark, I will think about that 18-year-old boy in the village, full of hope and fear. I will thank him for not giving up.

And I will remind myself: I am still that boy. Just older. Just wiser. Just more grateful.

You are not alone. Keep going.

With love,
-Bitty 

🙏❤️

One lesson at a time. One day at a time. You are becoming who you need to be.