Finding My Rhythm: The Real Talk About Balancing Work and Studies as an International Student

The 5-step recovery framework: A continuous cycle of growth after every setback.

I still remember the night I sat alone in my rented room in Singapore. I had just arrived. No furniture. Just a mattress on the floor. At that time, we had no telephone and no electricity in my village. I could not call my father. I tried to call one of my friends who was studying in Kathmandu to inform him that I had arrived. I bought a calling card and went to a public telephone booth. I still remember the call was not clear, and I lost 1.50 Singapore dollars. It was the first time I had seen that type of telephone booth with a calling card, something I had never seen in Nepal. I sat in the dark and cried.

I was 18. I was supposed to be brave. But I was just scared.

I had failed at the only thing I thought I was good at: being strong. I had left my village with so much hope, and now I could not even make a phone call home.

That was my first real failure. It was not the last.

I failed in London. I failed in Portugal, struggling with a language I could not speak. I failed in Denmark. I failed in Belgium, making mistakes in Dutch that made me feel foolish.

But every failure taught me something. Every failure made me stronger. Every failure led me to where I am today.

This article is for anyone who has ever failed and felt like giving up. For anyone who has ever felt like their mistakes defined them. For anyone still learning that failure is not the end. It is often the beginning.

Introduction: The One Thing Everyone Tries to Avoid

You are sitting in your room. Something went wrong. Maybe an exam. Maybe a job interview. Maybe a business you started that did not work out. Maybe a relationship that ended. Maybe a decision you regret.

Your mind replays it over and over. You think about what you should have done differently. You feel embarrassed. You feel ashamed. You feel like everyone is watching and judging.

You want to hide. You want to disappear. You want to forget this ever happened.

This is what failure feels like. It is heavy. It is lonely. It is isolating.

But here is something you may not have considered: every person you admire has felt this exact same way. They have sat in their own version of that room, replaying their own failure. They have felt the same shame. They have wanted to disappear.

The difference is that they did not let failure stop them. They did not let it define them. They learned from it, and they kept going.

This article will help you see failure differently. Not as something to fear. Not as something to hide. But as something to learn from. Something to grow from. Something that can lead you to places you never expected.

Why We Fear Failure

The fear of failure is not something we are born with. It is something we learn. And we learn it early.

We learn it in school. The first time you gave a wrong answer and felt the class laugh. The first time you brought home a bad grade and saw disappointment in your parents' eyes. The first time you were compared to someone who did better. School teaches us that mistakes are bad. That being wrong is embarrassing. That failure is something to avoid at all costs.

We learn it from parents. Not because they are unkind. Because they want us to succeed. They worry about our future. They push us to do better. But sometimes that push becomes a fear. We start to believe that if we fail, we will disappoint the people we love most.

We learn it from the world. Social media shows us success. It shows us people who have achieved what we want. It does not show us the failures behind those achievements. So we believe that success is easy for others and impossible for us. We believe that if we fail, we are different. Worse. Broken.

These fears are real. They sit in your chest. They make you hesitate. They make you play small. They make you stay in jobs you hate and relationships that drain you and lives that do not feel like yours.

But here is the truth: every single person you admire has failed. Often many times. The difference is not that they never failed. The difference is that they did not let fear stop them.

The Biggest Lie About Success

The biggest lie about success is that it happens overnight.

You see someone who has achieved something you want. A successful business. A book. A career. A life that looks put together. You think: "They made it look so easy."

But you did not see the years before. You did not see the failed attempts. You did not see the nights they stayed up wondering if they should give up. You did not see the rejection letters. You did not see the bank account with almost nothing left. You did not see the loneliness. You did not see the doubt. You only saw the polished version at the end.

This lie keeps us stuck. We look at the after and compare it to our before. We feel behind. We feel like we are doing something wrong. We feel like we are failing.

But success is never instant. It is built slowly, over time, on a foundation of failures that most people never see.

The people who succeed are not the ones who never failed. They are the ones who failed, learned, and kept going.

My Journey Through Failure

I have failed so many times that I have lost count.

When I was in school in Nepal, I did not speak English well. I hesitated to answer questions because I was afraid of making mistakes. I watched other students speak with confidence while I stayed silent. That failure to speak held me back for years.

When I moved to Singapore, I could not find my way. I got lost on the MRT over and over. I could not understand the accents. I could not follow conversations. I felt invisible.

Reflecting back on the early days in Singapore - where the journey of facing the unknown truly began.

When I moved to Portugal, I could not find work in my field. I did not speak Portuguese well enough. I worked in a restaurant kitchen instead. I chopped vegetables. I washed dishes. I was not building a career. I was just surviving.

When I started writing online, the silence was brutal. I would sit in my small apartment in Brugge, publish a post, and wait. Nothing happened. No views. No comments. No recognition. I would refresh the page, hoping to see a number change. It never did. I would close my laptop, feeling like I was shouting into an empty room. I built websites that got no visitors. I created content that disappeared into the internet without a trace.

Each failure felt like a weight on my chest. I questioned my decisions. I questioned my abilities. I questioned whether I was on the right path.

But each failure also taught me something. I learned to adapt. I learned to be patient. I learned that progress is not always visible. I learned that giving up is the only real failure.

Today, I am still learning. I still make mistakes. I still feel the sting of failure. But I no longer fear it the way I used to. I have seen too many failures turn into lessons, and those lessons turn into growth.

Failure Is Feedback

Failure is not a judgment. It is information.

Every failure answers important questions. What did not work? What needs to improve? What should I change? What skill am I missing? What approach was wrong?

Failure gives you data. It tells you what to adjust. It points you in a new direction. It shows you where you need to grow.

The problem is not failing. The problem is ignoring what failure is trying to tell you. The problem is quitting before you learn the lesson.

Treat failure like feedback. Ask yourself: What can I learn from this? What will I do differently next time?

The answers to these questions are more valuable than any success you could have achieved without them.

Quitting wastes data. Continuing gives you a chance to use it.

The Lessons Success Never Teaches

Success teaches you very little. It feels good. It confirms your decisions. But it does not challenge you the way failure does.

Failure teaches humility. It reminds you that you do not know everything. It keeps you grounded. It prevents ego from blocking your growth.

I learned this in Portugal. I had a degree. I had experience. But none of that mattered when I could not speak the language. I had to start from zero. I had to be humble. I had to accept that I was a beginner again.

It also teaches patience. You cannot rush the process of learning. You have to sit with the discomfort and wait for clarity to come.

I learned this while learning Dutch. It took me years. I wanted to be fluent in months. But the language did not care about my timeline. I had to be patient. I had to keep showing up even when it felt like I was making no progress.

Perhaps most importantly, it teaches resilience. Each time you fall and get back up, you become stronger. You learn that you can handle difficult things.

I learned this in London. I faced rejection after rejection. Each one hurt. But each one also made me less afraid of rejection. I learned that I could survive it.

Failure also teaches problem-solving. When things go wrong, you have to find a new way forward. You have to think creatively. You have to try new approaches.

I learned this when my first attempts at writing online failed. I had to figure out why. I had to change my approach. I had to learn what readers actually wanted.

And failure teaches emotional strength. You learn to sit with disappointment. You learn to process difficult feelings. You learn that you can survive hard things.

I learned this when my grandmother passed away while I was in London. I had booked tickets to come home for Dashain. I was going to see her. She always asked, "When are you coming?" I always said "soon." She passed away before I could come.

I was devastated. I felt guilty. I felt like I had failed her. But I also learned something. I learned that life does not wait. I learned that "soon" is not good enough. I learned that if you love someone, you need to show up now.

These lessons cannot be learned any other way. Success makes you comfortable. Failure makes you grow.

Some of the World's Greatest Failures

Thomas Edison failed thousands of times before inventing the light bulb. He did not see those attempts as failures. He saw them as ways that did not work.

J. K. Rowling was rejected by twelve publishers before Harry Potter was accepted. She was a single mother living on welfare. Publishers told her that the book would not sell.

Walt Disney was fired from a newspaper for lacking creativity. His first animation company went bankrupt. He kept going.

Steve Jobs was fired from Apple, the company he created. He later returned and built it into one of the most valuable companies in the world.

Oprah Winfrey was fired from her first television job. She was told she was not fit for television. She kept going.

Michael Jordan was cut from his high school basketball team. He became one of the greatest athletes in history.

Colonel Sanders was rejected over a thousand times before a restaurant accepted his chicken recipe. He was in his sixties.

These people did not succeed because they never failed. They succeeded because they kept going after they failed. They learned. They adapted. They persisted.

The Difference Between Failing and Being a Failure

This is one of the most important distinctions you can make.

Failure is an event. It is something that happened. You tried something. It did not work. That is all.

Being a failure is an identity. It is a belief that you are inherently flawed. It is a story you tell yourself about who you are.

Never confuse the two.

Failing at something does not make you a failure. Every person who has ever achieved something meaningful has failed along the way. The event does not define them. Their response defines them.

You are not your mistakes. You are not your setbacks. You are not your failures.

Where the work happens. The quiet desk in Brugge where countless drafts, projects, and lessons were built.

You are someone who tried, learned, and kept going. That is a very different identity.

Why Schools Should Teach Failure Better

Schools reward correct answers. High marks. Perfect performance. They teach students to avoid mistakes.

Life rewards experimentation. Persistence. Adaptability. Recovery after mistakes.

This creates a gap. Students learn to fear failure in school. They carry that fear into adulthood. They avoid risks. They stay in safe roles. They never discover their full potential.

Schools should teach students that failure is normal. That mistakes are part of learning. That improvement matters more than perfection.

Teachers can create environments where students feel safe to try and fail. They can praise effort, not just results. They can encourage curiosity and experimentation.

How to Recover After Failure

Recovering from failure is a skill. It can be learned. Here is a simple framework.

Step 1: Accept it. Do not deny it. Do not ignore it. Do not pretend it did not happen. Acknowledge that you failed. This is the first step to moving forward.

Step 2: Reflect on it. Ask yourself what happened. What went wrong? What could you have done differently? What can you learn from this experience?

Step 3: Learn from it. Identify the lesson. What does this failure teach you? What will you do differently next time? What skill do you need to develop?

Step 4: Adjust your approach. Change what needs to change. Try a different method. Learn the skill you are missing. Build on what you learned.

Step 5: Try again. This is the most important step. Do not stop. Do not give up. Take what you learned and apply it. Keep moving forward.

This framework works for small failures and big ones. It works for personal setbacks and professional disappointments. It works because it focuses on growth, not blame.

The Quiet Power of Starting Again

The bravest people are not those who never fail. They are the ones who begin again.

Starting again takes courage. It takes humility. It takes hope.

It means admitting that something did not work. It means letting go of what you built. It means trusting that you can build something better.

Every new beginning is built on everything you learned before. The failure is not erased. It becomes part of your foundation. It makes the next attempt stronger.

The people who eventually succeed are rarely the ones who never failed. They are the ones who refused to let failure become the end of their story. They are the ones who kept beginning again.

The colorful streets of Copenhagen, marking two years of learning, adapting, and starting from zero.

Conclusion: Failure Never Has the Final Word

Failure may delay success. It may change your direction. It may humble you. It may make you question everything.

But failure does not define you. Not unless you let it.

Failure is a lesson. It is feedback. It is a teacher that shows you what you need to learn and where you need to grow.

The people who achieve the most are not the ones who avoided failure. They are the ones who learned from it. The ones who kept going. The ones who refused to let failure become the end of their story.

Failure never has the final word. You do.

Frequently Asked Questions

Is failure necessary for success?

Failure is not required for success, but it is common. Many successful people have experienced significant failure before achieving their goals. Failure often provides valuable lessons that success cannot teach.

Why do successful people fail so often?

Successful people often try new things and take risks. Not every attempt works. They also often aim for difficult goals that require many attempts to achieve.

How can I overcome my fear of failure?

Start by changing how you think about failure. See it as feedback, not judgment. Start small. Take small risks. Build confidence gradually. Remind yourself that you can recover from setbacks.

How do I recover after failing?

Give yourself time to process your emotions. Reflect on what happened. Identify what you can learn from the experience. Adjust your approach. Try again. Do not quit.

Does failure build resilience?

Yes. Failure can build resilience when you learn from it and keep going. Each time you face a setback and recover, you become stronger and more confident in your ability to handle difficult situations.

Recommended Reading

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👉 Success Begins the Day You Stop Comparing Yourself to Others

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What Do You Think?

What is the biggest failure that taught you the most? Looking back, are you grateful for any failure in your life?

Share your experience in the comments. Your story might encourage someone else to keep going after their own setback.

Key Takeaways

1. Failure is a lesson, not a life sentence.
2. Every setback contains valuable feedback.
3. Success is built on repeated learning and persistence.
4. Failure develops resilience, humility, and problem-solving skills.
5. Most successful people have experienced significant failure.
6. Mistakes help you improve faster than perfection.
7. Parents and teachers should encourage learning through failure.
8. Fear of failure often prevents people from reaching their potential.
9. Failure is an event, not an identity.
10. The people who succeed are usually the ones who keep getting back up after they fall.

With love,

- Bitty 

🙏❤️

Failure is not the end of your story. It is often the beginning of a better one.